Things I Could Have Put In a Series of Tweets

written over the course of a few weeks

I love rap music but artists talk about women in a way that make them seem like the finest piece of gold that’s easily disposable. I’m constantly scratching my chin at that shit. It’s like resentment for admiring women so much or something.

If you’re unfamiliar with society6, it’s a middle-man website for artists (painters, illustrators, graphic designers, etc) to get their art to the people without going in the red to do so. Meaning, you don’t have to pay for the production cost of getting posters/shirts/whatever printed. I feel like they are getting over on me though. Someone pays 15 bucks for a print, I get $2. I need to re-evaluate some shit.

My god-mother gave me a flask for Christmas. I feel like it’s a gag gift, considering she’s super holy. She’s one of those “leave it up to God” folk, which is cool as long as you don’t force it down my throat. She’s could’ve gotten me (a) fish (dinner) and bread…

We are spiritual beings, with the ability to imagine infinite things, stuck in physical vehicles, with extreme limitations. That’s grounds for constant internal unrest. There should be WAAAAAY more unstable people in society than there are. Maybe we are all just lying to ourselves about being “okay” or anything beyond that.

Danny Brown needs more props for his ability to verbally paint a picture. See “Wonderbread”, “Clean Up”. I think a lot of people can’t get pass the character.

I enjoy driving. I dislike destinations and time constraints. And people who drive under 35 mph. GET IN THE RIGHT HAND LANE PLEASE MA’AM/SIR.

I’m watching a Young Turks youtube clip, where 2 anchors critique a NYT interview with Jaden and Willow Smith. The anchors are basically saying that the responses from the brother and sister are arrogant in a child-like way (aka privileged) and that maybe their parents should have schooled them in, I guess some form of media training to not sound like pretentious little brats. First off, Jaden Smith tweets are fucking hilarious. Whether they make sense or not, I don’t care. But I feel like TYT was overall making a mockery of two kids expressing themselves and sharing their beliefs… which is some shit white kids in America get the chance to do all the fucking time, without much corralling. But when 2 black wealthy adolescents use a public forum to share their views, it’s some “oh come now, lets tone it down a bit” type shit. FUCK OFF.

One of my coworkers is a, I guess diehard, Patriots fan. He is also a Saints fan since he was born in the N.O. Yeah, I don’t know how it works either. Anyway, #Deflategate is all on the news so he is constantly having to come to the defense of the team for all the allegations. But then, he uttered this: “my coach say he don’t know then he don’t know. He only gotta answer to God.” I wanted to laugh, insultingly, at him. If god exists, with the human like qualities that people like to attach to him/her and he/she keeps tabs on sports, I feel like soccer/futbol would be the sport of choice.

I’m watching a DIY show and the female host gets caught in a group hug, with what I assume is the young couple and the dad of one of them. So, you’ve got 2 big dudes basically smothering two smaller women. Somebody had a pair of genitals mashed against them, and they did not like that. I couldn’t be a woman. I’d want to smack EVERYBODY.

Watched Lucy 2 days in a row. Good science fiction movie based on bad science. I’m still trying to figure out if she saw outside the universe when she played back time. I feel like that black gooey looking ball was a universe. I don’t know. Decided to read up on the Big Bang, hoping maybe I’d find some tie in that the movie creators based that part of the film on. But my cynical side — which is more like a cynical portion that fluctuates in surface area size — realized that the Big Bang is still a theory and why the fuck am I so damn curious about something that NOBODY has the answers for. Then I just became slightly annoyed at myself for not studying and reading more in middle and high school.

There’s a line between women (particularly celebrities) being free to express their sexuality and their sexuality being exploited for profit. I don’t know where that line is. I don’t even know if its my duty, or right, to try and point out that line.

I’ve been riding around to Public Enemy for the past week and a half. I have no idea what was behind that decision. A sub-conscious protest to the mainstream, maybe. I don’t know. Anyway, it hit me that there is a good portion of people that don’t know Flavor Flav used to drop knowledge. Step back and try to envision that time line between the Spike Lee directed music videos and him licking that tall white woman on VH1. It’s a little crazy. Joe Rogan has a bit where he jokes about trying to explain Snookie, and her infamy, to alien visitors. I feel like that shift in Flav’s star status is just as unexplainable.

Random Visuals 012015

I’m in the process of turning this site into a legit graphic design portfolio. And when I say process, I mean I don’t want to learn css so I have to choose from the wp offered layouts. Also have been trying to teach myself to paint. Also drawing and vectoring and video editing. Also drinking dark shit and trying to find the perfect pair of denim. I’m very fake busy. So here are some pictures so I won’t feel like I’m wasting money paying for this url, and so you won’t totally abandon me.

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Death To White Supremacy

I don’t normally do prefaces on here because it’s my shit, and I can run it however I feel. But let me state: I don’t hate white people. They’re cool. They invent some cool shit, they make good beers and are always willing to start the wave at baseball games. 12% of my Tumblr is half-naked to fully naked pink toes. So with that being said, DEATH TO WHITE SUPREMACY. And it can take white privilege with it.

I’m not going to touch on societal news. Not because I think it’s being talked about by everybody too much — I think more people should bring more shit to the surface in regards to race and gender inequalities — but because I don’t feel like typing a book. I make too many typos for that and I refuse to be up all night re-reading my own words. I’m going to speak on a personal story.

I’m a contractor within a faction of the U.S. government that deals with the distribution of SSI benefits. With that job, comes a dedicated email address I use to communicate with the other employees. In my email signature,I have the following: my name, the name of contract company that severely under-pays me, my phone number and up until yesterday, a message that read stay black. It was bold and it was italicized. But with a font size not any larger than the rest of my signature. I’ve had it for months. Maybe a little bit before the murder of Michael Brown occurred. I partially did it out of amusement, so when I proceed with the story, just know that I sort of saw it coming.

Sunday morning, around 10, my division director comes into the office, which is strange because there were no major changes going in. She speaks to the woman I work with on weekends and then comes speaks to me. She says hello and then leans in and lowers her voice. Now, a few times this past year, she and I have had talks in regards to positions I’ve applied for that are in different buildings on the campus. So I thought maybe she’s got some application updates from some other big-wig she might be cool with. “Heeeyyy do you uuuhhhh have something ummmmm in your email uuuuhhhh about stay black?” (internal giggles commence). I tell her yes. She stammers through the next few sentences, basically telling me I have to remove it. This is a nice woman and I don’t really want to make her the first line of defense my grievances plows through, so my only question was “Did I offend someone?” More stammering, more ummms than fucking vowels. She basically danced around answering it. And like I stated, she’s a nice lady and probably felt a little uneasy approaching me about such a silly fucking request. I truly believe that only because before she walked away, she said “I understand (pause) but just replace it with something else.” Part of me IMMEDIATELY started thinking about how I could use this as a platform to expose some other foul shit I’ve learned about (like say the guy who had to cut his dreads to get a GS-12). Another part chuckled at the fact that little ol’ me made someone uncomfortable enough, that they complained and it somehow got back to my boss’s boss. There was also a part of me that didn’t really care, because I know how I feel in my heart and no one can take that from me. BUT ALL THOSE PARTS TOOK A BACKSEAT TO MY INNER JERK. It was selfish of me but all I could think was I’m going to get the opportunity to be vindictive, and mask it behind my own little war for freedom of speech. Man, I know Buddha and Gandhi itched for chances like this. I know they did. Endless rap verses zoomed through my mind, as I tried to find the perfect fucking 1 or 2 bars I could put in my signature. “No disrespect intended/but if you offended/can’t take it back/handle ya business” noo noo too antagonizing “if it offends you/its meant to/it’s that simple” noo noo too blatant Then I was going to use something with the word noir in it but I’m not cultured enough to think of anything that clever. So, I just settled for the happy mellow whale face:

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I love that face. Anyway, I get to work today and settle in. I happen to see an email from my team lead who has been out of work because of personal issues but recently started teleworking. I won’t type what she said verbatim, because well, I don’t remember. But trust me when I say it was some tap dancing we gotta keep massa pleased type shit. I laughed. She also included the chain of emails that caused all this. Those emails included the initial rat, the rat’s division director — who we’ll call an opossum — and the associate commissioner. Now, to give you something to compare that to, lets say I was a White House staff member and this same scenario happened. In terms of chain of command, the speaker of the house was informed of my “unprofessional” email signature. That is how unnecessarily high up this complaint went. Mind you, I just wanted someone to make corrections to a failed piece of software. And that didn’t happen for 2 fucking days. I’m following protocol yet the bigger issue ended up being the offended sensibilities of a middle-aged white women. Now what’s really amusing to me is the associate commissioner’s response DID NOT MAKE ANY MENTION OF MY SIGNATURE. I’m willing to bet a small portion of my turd’s worth paycheck that he saw that email and thought “oh jesus h christ REALLY!?” or something along those lines. I don’t know how down-to-earth white men who make 200K+ a year verbally respond to weak bullshit.

The other thing that didn’t sit well with me was who they used to inform me of this wanna be transgression. Three different black women. Each in a different position within the division I work in. What’s the big deal, right? Corporations are modern-day plantations. Don’t let the paycheck fool you. Capitalism teaches greed and constant accumulation via the hard work of someone else. You can not run a successful (profitable) corporation (plantation) without employees (slaves) and management (overseers and help). And this is where I inject my (probably crazy sounding) mammy theory. (Hell, one might already exist) White bosses, usually men, need someone who can oversee parts of the business that they themselves can not always have a hand in because they are waaaay too far up to reach down. Most of the time, they employ other white men but there are other times where they specifically select black women. Why? Well, for some unknown cosmic fucking reason, black women, in general, exude a motherly vibe unlike no other entity on the planet. I’ve hugged trees. Didn’t feel the love. Black women are caring, understanding, compassionate, etc. But they also are good disciplinarians. Once again, speaking in general terms so bear with me. Also, because of the fact that black women have been treated like pure shit in America since…whenever the fuck the 1st black female was thrown onto american soil, nowadays, they tend to really go for self if/when they enter (read: get let into) the corporate world. It’s safe to say most feel like no one has their back — and its true, sadly. If you haven’t experienced the cattiness that is two black women in an office setting who happen to have slightly different agendas, then you’re lying or blind… or a blind liar. So, in order to maintain their appointed position, and possibly further advance within the system, generally they will follow orders with far less resistance than say another white man who is watching the throne, or the very rare black male manager who has to do shit to tone down his black masculinity (like shave off his facial hair and NOT listen to rap on his lunch break). My proposed mammy theory is not intended to dump on the hard work that many black women have done in order to get wherever they are professionally. I was raised by a single mom, lived with her, my grandmother (RIP) and aunt (RIP) at one point in my life. And as I’ve gotten older, my admiration of their strength (especially my mom) has grown continuously. But realize that, within a fixed system, accomplishments for black women and men are throttled. You’ll only get as far as the boss will let you. So my semi-frustration with how this particular over-blown ordeal was handled isn’t directed at the black female managers but at the system that uses them as buffers for prejudice, white privilege, a cycle of white patriarchal greed and whatever other devilish shit that happens behind the curtains.

I didn’t intend to type this much. Let me go eat dinner. Fuck corporate. Stay black.

But, it is about race…

I try to see the (I guess I’ll call it) duality in all things. I wish everyone would at least try to see it as well. The tensions between local authorities and citizens is an issue that all hu(e)mans should be concerned about. With that said, please stop saying these killings are not about race. Please stop denying American hatred, rooted in fear, of black people. It is ingrained in America. The what-appears-to-be-a-rash of cop killings is not an anomaly. But it is new news to the millions of citizens who somehow think post-racial America is any more than just a slogan because a person of color is in the white house. America has never NOT been a racist and/or prejudice place. The jungle isn’t any less dangerous just because the prey can’t see the predator.

Eventually, I was going to use this space to express my opinions on all the shit that’s happening. I was not sure when that was going to happen, as I haven’t really been motivated to sit and type out my thoughts in an organized manner. My thoughts have been coming in short bursts and there are other platforms for that. But, I had a conversation the other day that somewhat brought me back something I actually wrote about a while ago. During the conversation, I was told that interrupting the lives of people who are already aware of social problems is not a good way to get messages across and enact change. For instance, blocking traffic is more negative than positive. It makes them mad. I was then told — obviously in their opinion — that other forms of protesting tend to be more effective in terms of getting what you want. That’s cool. But fuck that. I was trying to figure out a way to tell them that seeing it from that angle is a privileged point of view, and that in itself is one of the problems. It’s almost like some ‘I’m a humanitarian up until this line drawn in the sand but then I’ve got other shit to do’. And specifically with whats going on now, you can’t really be for change while straddling the fence. This is a social issue that’s been basically ignored for centuries and to feel like ones commute is more important essentially spits in the face of people who want justice (whatever the fuck that really is.)

If anybody sincerely feels like black lives matter, they first have to acknowledge when black lives stopped mattering. Or did the lives of black men and women in America ever really matter, outside of what he/she could do for a white man? It’s no secret that the Constitution of the United States was constructed with the notion that blacks were 3/5ths of whites. Basically this country was founded, built and maintained with the idea that black — not fully human — lives mattered only when it was beneficial to the white power structure. What about the 13th Amendment? I wipe my ass with it. The loophole in that amendment gives America the power to once again dehumanize anyone they see as a criminal. And that is exactly what these officers of the law are being allowed to do. It’s some real Judge Dredd shit.

What I find disheartening is reality won’t allow me to come up with a peaceful solution — not that I’ve been tasked by the universe to do so. This is a racial issue. Race is just a concept used to divide people based on appearance alone. A group of people wanted power and they achieved it by dehumanizing and enslaving, for the most part, a different group of people. A certain “race”. Unforunately, those kind of power hungry people still exists and their lust for power has only grown stronger. Can an idea be completely eradicated without destroying the bodies in which it resides? If it can, maybe I am too narrow-minded to see it.

Smarten Up Nas

Quick re-cap of the last 4.5 hours of my life, and how I almost constantly self-sabotage myself and how the universe keeps telling me to stay on course. So, the first Thursday of every month, my guys and I set up shop at a local gallery to advertise, sell and socialize. Today didn’t go quite as planned but that’s life. Anyway, I always have my camera on me, even if I don’t have it set in my mind that I’m going to use it. “Are you a photographer?” I got that at least 4 times. Ask me why I always reply no? Because I’m a slave to transparency and putting up fronts doesn’t sit well with me. But I shoot myself in the foot in a way because traction in the professional creative world can come in many forms, right? Right. Moving on, I had some posters in my car. Asked if it was cool if I threw one of my posters up behind the DJ booth. “Sure man, anything you want.” Poster goes up… “hey Ron, how can people get in contact if they want to buy one?” FUCK ME. Moving on. I come home, get settled in, grub and my focus shifts to one thing. One totally unnecessary thing. Nike x APC Frees. Yeeeaaaahhhh, I know they’re $150 and I could put that towards something more beneficial but I want those shits. Those shits? Sold out. FUCK ME. As I let out the last of a 47 second long sigh, 2 post-it notes come into my line of sight. One has product numbers for tubes of watercolor paint. The other has notes and pricing for portfolio site I have intentions to build. Why haven’t you built it already, you ask? Lack of funds. But weren’t you about to buy $150 shoes, you ask?

I almost constantly self-sabotage myself

IT IS A FUCKING SICKNESS, I SWEAR. I’m fixing myself though. I swear that too.

I Be Strokin’

Recently, I’ve been slowing down on doing random sketches, rough drafts and concepts. Instead, my focus has been to go back through the pages of shit I’ve done, and begin to finalize them or create bigger, cleaner versions. There are so many holes in my game. Working smarter/being more efficient is the biggest hole. So, I took my 2 off days and committed to completing 2 projects, start to finish.

The first was a thank you gift of sorts to the gallery owner who lets my crew set up shop every month to slang merch. It was the gallery’s 1 year anniversary so I figured I’d create something incorporating that. A real no-brainer.
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I came across this process of using frisket film to basically create a stencil style effect. I thought it was neat, and was artistically very horny and I needed to get that nut off so I found a way to use the technique on this project without interfering with the original design and order of things.
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Multi-functional tracing paper. Aside from it’s actual purpose, it makes a great…smudge guard(?)
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Half a blunt and a bowl later, fin.
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If you’re in Baltimore, stop by the gallery. It’s called The Alchemy of Art. It’s on 1637 Eastern Ave, a few blocks up from the bars and restaurants in Fells Point. Go get cultured, then get wasted.

Next
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This whole french fry themed art kick I’m on…

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It’s something I can’t even begin to explain because I don’t really know myself.

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I know it amuses me, and allows me to test my boundaries…

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while giving me some sort of mental freedom to not take the challenge too serious. Clearly

More stupidity.
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With a lot of practice, I’ll be able to make drawings and paintings as clean as they are retarded.

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This one came from just being frustrated about rash of black male deaths at the hands of police — which, sadly, is not a new phenomenon if you’re black and a male. For some reason, white America thought rappers shouting “FUCK THE POLICE” for the last 25 years was just some shit to sound rebellious.

Quick Glimpse

From the outside looking in, I am a cubicle worker. From inside my cubicle, looking out, I am an inmate. These cubicles are very loosely guarded cell blocks. My follow inmates vary in terms of personalities. I will now describe two.

To my left-rare, I have a man who walks so slow, each foot drag seeming deliberate, I nicknamed him Eventually. Eventually has a rectangular box head — think Frank Grimes from the Simpsons but with more depth — and a short neck that somehow has the same width and depth as his head. His entire face droops, slightly exposing his bottom row of teeth. He looks like an old turtle. Eventually is also a mouth breather that often falls asleep at his desk. And when I say often, I literally mean it — every 15 minutes this guy is in Naptown. Snoresville. Propped against a street pole on the corner of Count Sheep St & Dope Nod Lane. You get it.

In front of Eventually sits Extra Bat-Shit, the cell block loon. She hums to herself, is most likely pass 50% deaf and thinks everyone is out to get her. The whole cell block is privy to her personal life because she is without shame LOUD AS ALL FUCK. If this was an actual unisex prison, I’m 96% sure she would sport a doo-rag. I have the (mis)fortune of having to serve weekend bids with Bat-Shit. It is the torturous cherry on top of the prison sentence sundae. No amount of chapel time can make it bearable. Unless, prayers for a drug mule go answered…

There are other inmates here but they aren’t as amusing. I’m sure I’m a weird character in someone else’s story. I’m probably the he-may-be-muslim guy. Who knows.

I could’a kilt Tina. Whats blood got to do with it?

So, what was once an isolated incident — that was somewhat swept under the rug — is now a launch pad for right wings, leftist, feminist, arm-chair QBs, ya mama, ya mama’s mama and so on. I’m slightly addicted the 140 character window of opinion sharing opportunity that is Twitter. Sadly, it is a vortex for misinformation, and springboard for “here’s my take” based of said misinformation. Thankfully, I have this microscopic piece of world-wide web property and I can speak uninterrupted by character barriers.

Don’t ever hit a woman. Every man has heard it. Don’t ever hit anyone. A lot fewer people have heard that. Self-control. It is preached way more than it is practiced. You leave yourself vulnerable when you fail to practice self-control. Janay Palmer did not practice self-control. Ray Rice did not practice self-control. Both are suffering. Whose is worst and to what extent is not my call. A lack of self-control has caused a man to not only lose his job, but his spouse(trust, she’s going to dip), the respect of his fans and possibly his freedom.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to segue into this so I’ll just go for it. Men have to start holding themselves to a higher standard in a lot of situations, but especially when it comes to dealing with confrontations involving women. I’m only 30 years into this life and I’ve already heard the “men are the more logical of the two” speech a million times. Now, IF that is the case, logic would tell you that a certain situation (liquor soaked disagreements) could go a certain way (very bad), so let me begin to take preemptive measures in order to (a) control the situation and restore order or (b) get as far away from the situation as possible. Sometimes, shit just jumps straight to letter b and that is when the practice of self-control has to take over. You cannot talk a hurricane back down to a light shower with small gusts of wind. That’s not how nature works. While the who-is-more-logical battle can rage on for an eternity, the debate of who tends to be more emotional last about 15 seconds – however long it takes to say the word women and the other 14 seconds for the applause to die down. Knowing that emotions tend to block logic should tell you that she (or he, sometimes) is upset and might do something that isn’t well thought out. Let me fall waaaaaaaay the fuck back.

Now, along with men holding themselves to high standards, women have to acknowledge that most times, men are stronger and bigger than them. Now, you are within your right to increase the volume of voice. You have the right to be angry and sad and mad. You have right to fling around accusations and allegations. But DO NOT POP SHIT. Don’t poke, pull, push, swing or kick. That is not the way to get someone to see your side and be understanding of your feelings. I am not victim blaming.

I’m a peaceful man. I have been fortunate enough to have never been in a relationship where emotions ran high and arguments were constant. I’ve never had a female, stranger or lover, approach me in an aggressive manner (at least non-sexually). Perhaps it is my demeanor or maybe I just know how to talk to wo….no, that… whatever. Admittedly, I’m speaking on something foreign to me. But I feel I know people, and I know how they should act in order to achieve and/or maintain harmony. Everything starts from within. Self-control.

A Hundred Million Blind Mice (3x)

I did the weekly hanging out with my pops thing last week. I mentioned the protest that would be happening downtown. He was unaware of the protest. Understandable. He was also unaware of what the protest was for. Not understandable. He was unaware of all the rash of deaths involving unarmed black men that has happened recently. I was a bit upset and disappointed. His total disconnection from the world and its current events was shocking.

I’m going to use my new favorite word: microcosm. I think that his disconnection or lack of awareness is a microcosm of the nation’s way of going through life. I hope I used the word properly. I live in a nation (I say nation LOOSELY) where a vast majority of people are blind to many truths. I don’t know if it’s a self imposed blinder being put up, unfiltered ignorance because of genetics or a sheepish mentality where they only believe what’s presented to them and they feel no further individual research is needed on the matter. When did the “but whhhy” — that ALL kids let out as a response to damn near everything — stop becoming a part of the average adult’s vocabulary? It’s interesting that some things that are said, repeatedly over the course of any given time, can somehow become truths; while other things are constantly up for debate. Police brutality against people of color has been an issues for twice as long as I have been alive. The plain’ol beat a nigga mentality has been part of America since day zero. Yet, somehow, the person on the receiving end of the ass whooping is reasonable for ensuring the ass whooping doesn’t happen again by altering his/her lifestyle.

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Looks like his pants are around his waist. This is from 1930. White people always did love a good show.

I’m going to tie the S.S. Rape Culture boat to this doc. How many times have women been told, and argued against, the statement “well, if you weren’t dressed like that…”? Countless, right? It’s a silly statement that attempts to free the rapist from being responsible for his/her crime. Making oneself less of victim does not remove the criminal act from existence. So, when I keep seeing shit said along the lines of “they need to pull their pants up, cops won’t mess with them” or “how are they going to respect our lives if we don’t respect…”, I’m baffled. Has anybody EVER gotten fucked with — be it a bully, cop, you name the asshole — and thought next time I’m just going to do this and I’m sure they won’t bother me…? Doubt it. Unless that thought was let me not be around HERE anymore. Now, if that’s an idea of a solution from someone who only witnesses foul shit occur, and is never on the receiving end, then I ask this: Where are black men suppose to go? Is there a safe haven for the black American male on this planet?