The empire on which the sun never sets

Entitlement. I think that’s the reason why people shit in public restrooms without using toilet seat liners. I’m not a germaphobe. I don’t have to discard a bar of soap after one use. I’m not that guy. But I cannot willingly sit my bare ass on the seat of a public toilet. And unless is a crossing the border, turtlehead poking out scenario, I will just hold it until I get home. I use liners and a few strips of t.p. when I’m at work. But then someone will come in, go straight to a stall and plop down like they are at home. I have to chalk that up to them having a feeling of ownership. Entitlement. ‘I Run Dis’. I used to have this wild idea that insects lay eggs around toilet seats and eventually, one of these days, they would catch me slipping and crawl up my ass. There’s really nothing I can do to fight that. But I can prevent some nasty fucks herp infested urine residue from coming in contact with my leg. And so should everyone else.

Now, I want to apply this same theory to why people don’t wash their hands but that’s just plain ol’ disgusting. They probably follow that same practice in their homes. Little microbiotic specks of fecal matter on all the door knobs throughout the house. -shivers-

Gotta read the labels

Ugly people give me dirty looks when I’m reading on public transportation. When I say ugly, I don’t mean the people who I don’t find attractive and may be beautiful to someone else. I’m talking the people whose ugliness is absolute. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t a dirty look. Perhaps it was just her regular face.

When will a respected football commentator, or analyst if you choose to give them that kind of power, finally come out and say the Cowboys are a shitty team and Tony Romo is mid-tier (at best) QB? Has it already been said? Did I miss it? I have the NFL Network but I never watch it. The same can be said, and is being said, by me, about Phillip Rivers and the Chargers. They are conference reflections of each other. Overrated underachievers. Football related sidebar, Al Davis is immortal. Or satan. I don’t know which. Yet.

Every week, it seems, I experience a come the fuck on moment. This week, it consisted of me applying for an A&F credit card, just to use it to purchase a scarf, while obviously increasing my total available credit, and then discovering that after I received the card, the scarf had completely sold out. You know the saying that goes something like ‘God has a weird sense of humor’… well the shopping gods are just straight up dicks.

No sketchbook? No ipod? No problem

First day of the month and I’ve already died once upon hearing the breaking news update that MC Hammer has created a diss record. The target of this fired shot doesn’t even matter because the shooter is MC Fucking Hammer. OAKLAND IN DAH HOUSE FOO! Mondays should always be this joyous.

Why is food so much better when you’re drunk and/or high? I know there is a long drawn out medical answer. I’m going to bing it because it’s no fucking way a 6 dollar gyro, with meat in it that I wouldn’t even bet on trying to identify, should be so good all the time. I’ve literally never eaten this thing while the sun was visible. So it’s either got to do with the moon’s alignment and the wave patterns of the Atlantic or my BAC. Where’s my researching monocle…

I like my hair knotty n my nose piece snotty

Grooming is overrated. I truly feel that way sometimes. Those (some)times being damn near all the time. It’s going on 7 months since I last shaved, or even trimmed my beard. And I haven’t even shaped it up since early September. If I put on hammer loop jeans and carried a small axe around, like say this one, I could probably pass for a genuine lumberjack (I already own a wide variety of flannels). But since that’s not how I’m rolling, I mostly get mistaken for a muslim. Assalamu Alaikum. I get that at least twice a week, and it’s normally when I’m doing something that isn’t righteous, like carrying a 40 of Steel as I’m heading back home from the liquor store or looking at a White Chick Gags on Big Black Cock thread on bgol via my blackberry. I guess perception really is reality or however that saying goes. I’m hoping this perception of me doesn’t hinder my international travels, as it would really put a damper on my quest to be the next Dos Equis man. Although, the Dos Equis man would probably swim across the Atlantic so I might as well bury that dream.

I’ma own dat pussy

Every now and then, my homepage, on my work pc, msn.com, will hit me with a story that I just can’t ignore. This is one of them.

Woman caught throwing cat into trash pleads guilty

I remember this getting coverage on CNN when it originally surfaced. They replayed that clip, which couldn’t have been more than one minute long, so many times in a row. I laughed harder with every replay, almost to the point of light headedness. The pure nonchalant manner in which this broad dropped that cat in the garbage had me in stitches. Even funnier is the article labelling it as an attack. It’s not like she one hand yammed that cat in Lebronesque fashion. Plus, cats always land on their feet… even if it’s in the trash.

Break ya foot tryna kick it how I kick it

I got these in the mail a few days ago. Adidas skate is probably my favorite line right now. Excellent materials, ill colors that aren’t outrageous, affordable and most of all comfortable. The small details make this particular shoe model, the Busenitz, that much better.

Now, I promised myself I’d not buy anything else unnecessary until the new year. What a fucking joke that was. Couldn’t pass up 02 Raptors for a c-note.

Turn mah headphones UP

Some postmortem blessings from my maternal grandmother, my nana. To say she was a fan of music would be like calling Jordan a decent basketball player. She was also a bartender, so maybe that’s were I got my love of alcohol from. Or maybe that was my dad, the alcoholic. Who knows. Coltrane, Miles, Sinatra, Dizzy, so many LPs to aid in the expansion of my musical taste. Billie Holiday and Sarah Vaughn got me through the last day of the work week without headbutting anyone. My grandmother also blessed me with a orange armchair. Its bright and ugly but I love it.

Unrelated to the above, I think I discovered the reason for the increase in teen suicides. Kids are pussies. Between the slow erosion of physical education in public schools and schools closing early due to what can barely be called inclement weather (these are just two of the thousands of reasons), they are making the future generation one of wimps. Here in certain areas of Maryland, they closed schools early because of rain and flooding. Word, flooding? BOOOOO. I remember going to school and it would be pouring down, sitting in 1st period with damp, 2 tone jeans. Now, they will close school because it’s too cold. Get the fuck outta here with that. I’m sure I sound like someone who went to school in the 50s and shit but oh well. It’s just my opinion. I don’t have any children so I don’t feel the same angst that parents do. Perhaps if I had kids, I’d be singing a totally different song. But I don’t. So here I sit, humming “Don’t Turn Your Baby Into a Bitch”.