typed over the course of some un-calculated number of days

In November, I decided I would cut meat out of my diet for a month. I honestly can’t remember why I decided to. Maybe just to challenge myself, I suppose. It’s nearing the middle of April, and aside from the 3 times I’ve had grits from Miss Shirley’s Diner — which have bacon in them, and they are fucking awesome — I still haven’t consumed any meat. I even cut down on my seafood intake. My reasons waver to be truthful. I’m under no circumstances consciously aligning myself with any particular group of food specific consumers. I think that shit is unnecessary. I know some people stop consuming animal products for the sake of wanting to contribute to the fair treatment of other non-human creatures. And I totally respect that. They are really snooty about it sometimes, and that holier than thou shit makes you want to slap them with a raw porter-house. I will admit that I do feel better, my energy and stamina levels are up and I’m keeping weight off. My vanity is probably the driving factor. Fuck it. I said it.

Is the defining of something also the beginning of the end of its freedom? Definitions or guidelines are essentially boundaries. Once boundaries are put in place, whatever you’re defining can now only exist within that determined space. Are the definitions of types of people or situations/scenarios just traps we unintentionally put in place? Can a person be too free in how they interact with the world? Can people co-exist in a space without known limits for an indefinite period of time without harming themselves?

There’s a radio show I listen to often, and the host continuously brings up the fact that racism was instituted as a way to mask classism. Let’s say that is fact. That would mean true equality would only come from people of color gaining wealth, and carrying it through generations. He also promotes supporting black owned businesses. I’m all for that. I recently stumbled upon a raw food and juice bar that is a few minutes from my crib, and owned by a black woman. TWO WINS. But then I thought, I’m a forced to be racially exclusive with my money in order to play my part in “black amerikkkans” gaining equality? Will a lot of black people have to be that way in order to see a real change? I realize it’s an instance of showing support, but in basing it solely off race, is it hypocritical? Or do black amerikkkans get a pass because we’re playing catch up with the rest of the country?

Is it still considered a burden if you carry it without acknowledging its constant presence? Can a person make their life easier by worrying less…or at least feel easier? Like, psyching yourself out?

This whole fry thing has gotten out of hand. But in a positive way. I feel like I’m not steering the ship anymore. The winds are running things. Direction, velocity, possible impact from smashing into some rocks on the shore or the dock… totally hands off. A few weeks ago, I was taught a lesson in trying too hard to control situations. I was humbled. I needed it apparently.